Saturday is Horror Day #53 – Planet Terror, The Craft: Legacy

Reviewer: Julie Lynn Hayes

Planet Terror

Cherry (Rose McGowan) is tired of stripping and decides to make a new life for herself. She gives her scumbag employer her notice and walks out the door. Dr. Dakota Block (Marley Shelton) is planning to leave her doctor husband William (Josh Brolin), but she has to be careful about it. She can’t let him see the texts between her and her accomplice/lover.

 

 

Something strange is going on at the army base. A group of men arrive, led by Abby (Naveen Andrews). He’s brought something, but quickly discovers that something is amiss. The cage is empty and the subjects not to be found. Things quickly go wrong when a noxious gas is released into the air. Before things get too ugly, Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis arrives) and he wants answers.

 

When Tammy’s (Fergie) car overheats, she stops to use water from a pump near a bbq restaurant. The owner, JT (Jeff Fahey) offers her some bottled water and a meal. She takes the water and thanks him but declines the meal, even if it is the best bbq in Texas.  JT calls his brother, Sheriff Hague (Michael Biehn) and tells him a couple of people are hanging outside his place and he’s convinced they’ve been sent to steal his secret recipe. But the truth is far worse than that.

Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) drives a tow truck but his reputation as a troublemaker apparently precedes 

him. He ends up at the same restaurant as Cherry and tries to renew their relationship.

Meanwhile it seems there is an outbreak of pustule-laden zombies, created by the gas at the military base, one that is threatening to destroy the town. What can be done to fend them off?

 

This is not your usual horror movie. It’s campy, schlocky, and very violent. Kind of like an old B horror movie but better. Look for Rose McGowan and her machine-gun leg, as well as Quentin Tarantino in a small role. You might remember Freddy Rodriguez from Six Feet Under, where he played Rico. This is something different for him. And of course my favorite, Naveen Andrews. So damn sexy it’s criminal. He plays a biochemist who knows just what is going on.

This movie was fun to watch, but it isn’t for the faint of heart, let me warn you now. There is a lot of humor, something I appreciate in a good film. This film was originally released along with Grindhouse, but that didn’t do well, so the films were separated. Guess I need to find Grindhouse now. I’ll give this film a solid 4 Stars.

The Craft: Legacy

Lily (Cailee Spaeny) has her life upended when her mother Helen (Michelle Monaghan) moves them into the home of her new love Adam (David Duchovny) and his three sons. Feeling like a fish out of water, Lily starts her new school the next day and meets three girls, Lourdes (Zoey Luna), Frankie (Gideon Adlon) and Tabby (Lovie Simome). During one of her classes, Lily unexpectedly begins her period, and her predicament is called out by Timmy (Nicholas Galitzine), to her horror and shame. She goes to the girls’ room, and while she is pondering what to do, the three girls show up with a pair of shorts and words of encouragement. Lily begins to hang out with them and they make her the fourth in their group of witches.

The girls decide to test their powers, and sneak into Timmy’s home, placing a spell. They almost get caught and barely escape without being seen. The next day, Timmy is like a new man. He’s sensitive and attention and more in tune with his better self. The girls are delighted with this new Timmy and find themselves attracted to him, especially Lily.

 

While delighted to have made such good friends, Lily finds life at home difficult. Adam is very 

tyrannical. He’s a motivational speaker who thinks he knows everything and tries to control everyone around him. Disturbing things begin to happen. Timmy is a friend of one of Adam’s sons, Jacob. One night, Lily casts a love spell that brings him to her room, but they are interrupted before they go too far. Adam texts her to be continued. But the next day brings tragic news.

The girls blame Lily for what happened, disrupting their friendship. But things continue to go downhill. Lily witnesses one of Adam’s group meetings with his sons, and she realizes there is more to them than she realized. She wants to leave there, but how to convince her mother, who is so besotted with Adam? Lily’s accidental discovery of some very shocking news makes her even more vulnerable. Will Adam capitalize on this vulnerability? What is it he actually wants from her, and to what lengths will he go to to obtain it?

 

The Craft: Legacy is a sequel to the original Craft movie of some twenty years before. Again, we have three girls seeking and finding a fourth to complete their coven of witches, and then playing around with their powers. The problem with this movie is we have a different writer and director (Zoe Lister-Jones) and a different cast. But it’s primarily the bad writing and the terrible direction and story that make this film both boring and just plain bad. There isn’t much to it, and it lacks any of the charm of the original. I found myself wishing it would end soon. Luckily, it isn’t very long, just seemed that way.

I love David Duchovny, and even he is terrible in this, so that will give you some idea what this film is like.  I’m going to give it 1 Star and a serious recommendation not to watch it.

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